Change.

Picture 2

My brain is too full of real life to ponder the fabulousness of a armchair today, so I hope you don’t mind if I take this chance to just brain dump on you.  This has been a crazy month and it just was made a million times more insane by the fact that we plan to accept an offer on our condo tonight-an offer that if it comes to fruition will mean I have to find a place to live by April 15th.  True to form, this massive change has caused me to panic.  Historically I’ve never been good with risk and change, the mere thought of unplanned and unexpected activity practically giving me hives.  I’ve lead a careful life, every move thought over a hundred times and then pondered some more before ever taking action.  I’ve made decisions because others important to me told me they were the right decisions. I’ve stayed in bad relationships, bad jobs and bad situations longer than tolerable simply because the idea of change paralyzed me so.  But in the past two years I’ve slowly been unraveling that cloak of cautiousness by tugging on each tightly woven thread of security with new found courage. It’s been both immensely gratifying and totally scary at the same time- and this moment right now might be the most intense yet.

We bought this condo on impulse, which of course was hard for me. But I fell in love with it and the life that could fill it’s walls, and as we all know real estate needs to be a  mix of emotion and smarts, not 110% heart.  I tend to be the type who falls in love every day, full of emotion and passion but sometimes a bit lacking in balance. So we signed away on this home with a future life full of babies and wild financial success in mind. How things have changed.  While financially we are pretty stable and my business has had unexpected and wild success, the baby question remains exactly that- a question.  Empty guest bedrooms that echo of “you’re 30, you should have a baby” leave me rattled because frankly, I don’t want one right now.  I want one, someday in the not too distant future, but right now I’m not ready.  And selling this condo and moving into a smaller rental makes that decision audible to the whole world, which feels a bit like raising a white flag and surrendering my perfectly timed plan of “married by 26 (check), baby by 30 (…)” I know, I have time, I’m only 30, but I can’t help but feel I’m letting people down by not feeling the hormonal frenzy of motherhood pulsing through my veins.  Instead I feel the burning wish to travel, write, explore, work hard and take the time to straighten out exactly what it is I want and need, as selfish as that may be.   I like to think by turning keen focus inward on myself it will make me a better mother someday down the road.

But it does feel a bit like taking two steps backward.  Surrendering the baby plan and going from owning to renting- even though I know it’s only temporary until we find a house to renovate and live in for a very long time (no more of this buy and sell in under three years business we’ve been doing)- feels a bit like trying to switch from drive to reverse while still moving.  Of course after wanting nothing more than to sell, now that it might have happened, I walk around these rooms thinking about how lovely it is, how the light filters through the windows just right and how much I’ll miss it instead of recalling that burning need to move on I felt so keenly not two weeks ago. Classic “me”. I need to instead focus on this as an adventure, something I have not had enough of in my thirty years.  The ability to move into the city and experience life full of convenience and bustling energy.  A chance to breathe, think and be without the weight of a mortgage.  Freedom, in a way, to know that I can do whatever I want next without being tied down. There is so much fullness to my life right now- opening an office, exciting business ventures developing , wonderful new friends to enjoy, trips to plan, moving…. possibilities seem to crowd each morning I wake up and it’s both terrifying and delightful at the same time.  It’s not a time to make concrete decisions, it’s a time to explore, investigate and touch, taste and feel everything I can so that when I am ready to settle down a bit more and dig in with solid roots I will be comforted and content with the experiences I have had.  But that doesn’t mean that in this moment, as my life begins to change dramatically, I am not sitting here scared as hell.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t get totally frustrated with my inner monologue and would kindly tell it to shut up if I could. It also doesn’t mean that sometimes I wish I wanted something simpler, easier and typical. But I don’t.

I’ve been reading a lot of Paulo Coelho quotes recently, all of which sing to me on a huge level, so I figured I’d close by sharing them, hoping that if even only two of you are feeling the way I am it’ll give you a little courage to continue questioning everything:

“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back-she will hear her heart”

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.”

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?”

Thanks for listening,

E


98 comments

  1. My mother didn’t have me until she was 38 and I was her first child. She had my brother at 42. And now at age 60, she found the love of her life, quit her job, moved to New Zealand and is living her life long dream of being a full time painter. She’s pretty much my hero. You have no reason to rush into having a baby and every reason to follow your heart.

  2. Hi Erin,
    I’m a new reader of your blog. I look forward to each of your posts.
    In this particular one, the ‘frustrated with my inner monologue’ comment completely resonated with me. I’ve been doing alot, and i mean whole lot, of that for the last 2 weeks.
    I am a mother of 2, and though it’s hard at times, it is completely rewarding. But yes I agree you need to be ready. But then you can never ever be too ready, just ready enough, for this change.
    Anyway, thanks for sharing. I wish you the best in the next phase of your journey.

  3. I just read your post and I just wanted to say that I feel the same way. About the baby part, that is. I feel guilty about not wanting to have one (I’m 33). Maybe not at all. I wonder all the time if I’ll regret it. But I also feel VERY strongly that you shouldn’t force a square peg into a round hole either. You can’t take on someone else’s priorities/ideas/rules as your own personal handbook. We’re all so different.

    The best anyone can do is to be honest with themselves. I wish you luck with your inner monologue.

  4. F*#@ what anyone else thinks. You have to live your life on your terms. They won’t be around for those 2 a.m. feedings anyhow!

  5. Erin,
    You’ll know when it’s right to have kids. You’re young and should take advantage of this great stage in your life. With that being said, once you’re in the whole baby thing, you’ll never look back and love the person that you will become as a mother. It’s incredible, but it can wait :-)

  6. You know what.. you’re doing exactly what’s right for you and that’s what matters. Who cares if you’re not ready for kids? The baby-making abilities will still be there for a while.. what’s the rush? So proud of you for not just conforming to the norm. That’s just boring… ;)

  7. Hi Erin,

    I have a lot of the same feelings a lot of the time. I’m also 30, also a planner, also a second-guesser. The difference between us is that I had the mommy bug. For 24 months now I’ve been trying to scratch that itch. It has consumed my life, consumed my husband’s life, it is now consuming our finances. And, I don’t mind all of this, because I was ready to make whatever sacrifice necessary to become a mother. Not every journey is clear and the path isn’t always easy. If you know you are not ready don’t worry about what others think, because once you step foot on this other path there’s no turning back and sometimes the path takes you in a direction you don’t want to go.

    One of your quotes really spoke to me: “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready.” Today my husband and I talked, for the first time, about when we will draw the line and walk away from this dream of becoming parents. I never even thought that would be part of our dialogue, but like the quote there is no point in pretending that the last 24 months didn’t happen. And so we made a choice, and now we may have to make another one.

    Live, love, travel, experience. There’s a lot of time left for the rest of it. Best of luck to you.

  8. Erin,
    This is a great post and verbalizes what, I think, a lot of women in their 20s and 30s think and feel. I think it totally rocks that you recognize that you want to travel, learn, focus on your career, etc. for the time being instead of having kids (I’m so there with you). Regret is a hard pill to swallow, and really, what will it matter in 20 years if you waited a bit to start a family? It won’t. But you’ll be kicking yourself if you really wanted to go to country X or learn X language and you didn’t because someone (whoever they may be) thought you needed to have a kid when you’re 30.

    I’ve loved reading all the comments too. There are some awesome people in this world.

  9. Hey Erin,

    I’ve been following your lovely blog for some time now, I’m pretty much somewhere where you are (babies?) & similar to where Niki R is, only I’m 31, not married yet and a planner freak. I did have a major life overhaul ditching my career in fashion, my London life to move to Athens in Greece to be with the man of my dreams over a year and a half ago.
    I did the travelling thing when I was 24/45, spent a whole 365 days travelling across the world with my best friend and it was the most amazing experience ever, it definitely left me fulfilled and ready for the next phase in my life.

    Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing – for you! Anyhow, I leave you with these quotes, perhaps they’ll inspire you cupcake.

    “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” Oscar Wilde
    “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us” E.M Forester
    “Experience is not what happens to a man, it is what a man does with what happens to him” Aldous Huxley

  10. you’re an absolute gem. i can’t tell you how much i’ve enjoyed your blog- it’s become a daily ritual. please go to amazon NOW and buy “PRONOIA the antidote to Paranoia”, by Rob Brezny. It is an amazing empowering perspective changer that will help you immensely with uncertainty. if i knew your address i’d send it to you. i KNOW you’ll love it.

  11. Erin… NEGOTIATE THE TITLE TRANSFER DATE!!! I am a realtor…… don’t give the buyer that much control…..if it makes you that uncomfortable.. if you were my client and you told me it feels like the wrong decision… over and over.. I would tell you not to move..sounds like you are not ready……. hope I am not too late…. :)

  12. thanks so much for writing this. I’m currently in a new design program I love, however it means I will be 27 when i graduate. Although thats a little while away, I really worry about the fact that when I turn 27 I will be fully throwing myself into my career, pushing back the possibility of marriage likely into my 30’s, and children even later. I agree with some of the other commenters that a lot of worry is related to other people’s perceptions. They can make you doubt yourself. I wish you the best!

  13. Precisely what’s running thru my head right now, esp. w/ currently reading Eat, Pray, Love.

    Thank you for being brave enough to voice it on such a public forum. I imagine a lot of women in similar shoes will find solace in your words.

    Thank goodness we have you and Elizabeth Gilbert–we’re not alone!

  14. Ok, so a million people have said just about the same thing, but I just wanted to be another voice of affirmation. I think mostly because I’m affirming myself. My husband and I, 32 & 31 respectively feel like we are just starting our lives. (Moving to Boston this fall!) There is so much more we want to do and children just do not fit into that picture. And if we are going to have one, I just want to want one. I mean, I really want to have that deep longing I hear so many women talk about. But for now I don’t and quite frankly I think we’re sailing on the right ship sister!

  15. I write a blog too and I only complain about my worries…anyways, I work for a major furniture co and we all love your blog and are constantly inspired by your finds. I know life is stressful- I can hardly sleep most nights. But you bring a little happiness to the rest of us. Life always works itself out. I remember when I was 30 and had the same worries…and several years later still do! It’s natural to feel pressured by society but girl, you are already successful…everything else is just going to be icing on the cake! hugs to you.
    Just remember you are not alone!

    – Your #1 fan

  16. I think you are very wise to consider your ‘readiness’ to have a baby, and that you understand that you will only be a good parent when you are emotionally ready to take the step.
    Many people are seduced by the romantic dream of ‘having a baby’ but forget the more important part – i.e. that of ‘becoming a parent’!
    I had my first child at 34 and my second at late 36, but who is to say that is the perfect age for everyone..? Some become better parents when they are younger, others wait until they are in their 40s..

    The important thing to establish is that you feel emotionally ready to become a parent – are there unfinished business, dreams or goals that have to take priority? Will there be regrets?
    Or, can you achieve these dreams and goals with a baby/child in your life? Because who is to say that you can’t write, explore, travel etc with children in your life? Remember that you don’t have to choose – those times are long gone. You actually can have it all!

    That said, it ‘takes two to tango’ and you need to ensure your partner is on the same level as you..
    Having a baby puts a relationship to a test – sleepless nights, less time for just the two of your, costs money.. I haste to add that all of these mean nothing in comparison to the joys of parenthood, but it is important that both of you are ready for the changes that inevitably take place..

    Anyway.. you sound very aware of your inner dialogue and I am certain your gut will know exactly when the time is right.
    Don’t worry about disappointing anyone – this is your life! You decide!

    Best of luck!

    xCharlotta

  17. 68 comments is too many for me to read through…I don’t know how you do it. But, just going off of the last one – yes, you don’t just give birth to a baby, you create a parent, a new you. Everything changes and yet stays the same. it’s a new reality. the only point i would disagree with is that YOU ARE NEVER PREPARED. that’s like saying you can prepare for a car crash.
    you ARE aware of your needs and that you put them first is the first step in being a good mother, which you’ll no doubt one day be. just don’t wait too, too long because I have so so many friends who decided that their career was in such a great moment that they just had to postpone it another year, then another, and they are all unable to get pregnant now. biology is biology. I think you’re right to get one last big breath of yourself in. way to go!
    and, for what it is worth, my son is seven months old and we have taken him on vacation to colorado, indiana and switzerland already. we plan to explore, travel, make new friends and most of the things you mention, with him. and even now, i also still look forward to him being an independent young man so I can go do it on my own again.

  18. I’m thirty, have a well-paying career, girly girl, pet-loving, married, and truly thought the baby bug would have hit me by now. It hasn’t. I dream all the time of a second career, all the time to renovate my dream home, flying to Napa for the weekend (which we DO!), and laying on my ass watching Real Housewives until midnight…because I feel like it. I love my life (well, most of it, anyway), and am all-to-aware of what baby will bring. I believe people when they say it is wonderful, but I truly in my heart feel that that is not what I want for my life. At least right now, anyway. It has been one of the hardest realizations to admit to myself, and my friends, my husband, my parents, Mommy Friends, that I may or may not be maternal. It doesn’t make a person bad or good, warm or cold … it is simply, beautifully, individual. At least that’s what I tell myself anyway. You are so absolutely not alone. In fact I feel so incredibly grateful and validated, and HAPPY that I saw this today. Thank you more than you know, as I swim in a sea of Bugaboos, and maybe, just maybe …. the fact that I’m different.

    Pssh, I feel 22. Certainly that counts for something.

  19. Hey girl – I lived in Boston from ages 24-32 and I know exactly how you feel. Boston is a place where everyone is married in their late 20s and has a baby right around 30. It was like clockwork, amazing. And also scary and disorienting for me, because I was not ready to go there yet. In fact, one of the only things I was clear about in terms of my life direction was that I wasn’t ready to be a parent yet. But all around me, friends were sporting baby bumps, and meeting each other for play dates, and suddenly treating my husband and I – in a very subtle and not at all malicious way – like outsiders.

    I cried a bunch, because I felt left out, and because it felt weird not to be doing what everyone else was – was there something wrong with us? The answer is no – you’ll be ready at some point; don’t rush yourself.

    In a way, the situation was solved for us – we moved to LA for my career, and now live in a city where not only are a lot of our 30-something friends childless, a lot of them are still single. So I just want to let you know that there are a lot of other 30-somethings who are making the same decisions, even if in Boston in particular it doesn’t exactly feel like it.

    Keep up the great blogging, good luck with the new place, and keep staying true to yourself!

  20. Erin I had a friend discussing someone that did not want to have children as they were selfish. I kind of gasped and told her, Actually I think they are doing the least selfish thing I know of. I think we often have children for selfish reasons, you know we want someone else to love , to raise a mini-Me. Truly I think having children is a bit selfish on our parts. I have 3 sons and I would not have it any other way but to say I had them to better the world even though I now know my world is better for having known them. I had them because I wanted a baby to love and to hold. So you my dear are not being selfish at all not wanting a child right now. I think you are giving your future babies a gift by becoming the fulfilled woman you want to be. Stay on your path, time will tick away but you will have time to do the family thing later. Waiting until you are ready is the least selfish thing you could do, Kathysue

  21. Dear Erin,
    For so many days you blog has given me strength and inspiration, for that I thank you endlessly! I am in my early 20’s and have much to discover about life, but I can tell you this, what you do and who you are have inspired me to change my life and follow my passions . I have lived my life by a quote my parents have told me since I was young.

    -It is not the trials and tribulation of life that define us as a human being, rather it is how we grow and develop from the events in our lives that shape us into the people we become.

    Find strength in whatever you do : ), continue to be YOU. You are wonderful and talented and inspire me on a daily basis. I wish you luck with every and anything life sends your way!

  22. Dear Erin,

    I often come to visit your blog, I find it so creative and elegant and it’s like a refreshment to me.
    I really like your work. And experiencing and traveling and trying new things will bring you even more inspiration and motivation.
    If you feel it is not the time now for certain things, that you should follow your impetus 110%. Changes does not necessarily mean you are going to revolutionize your life.
    You mentioned Paulo Coelho, and I would like to refer to “The Leopard” (“Il Gattopardo” in Italian – a movie from Visconti with Burt Lancaster) “If we want things to stay as they are, they will have to change,”

    Good luck.
    Ila

  23. Erin-I love your blog, and while I’ve never commented before felt compelled to today! Follow your heart and never regret anything! There are so many paths, and you’re just living one at the moment so enjoy it and run whole heartedly for it! Don’t worry about babies, and other things, those things can come or not come as they do and you’ll know it when you know it…I have one little boy and he’s great, but didn’t decide on that until I was 34 and even then it was hard getting used to the idea! You can live an hugely fantastic life either way. Just don’t stop blogging, we all love your sharing!

  24. Trust your gut. If you don’t want a kid right now, that’s cool.

    I work for a big, exciting, growing company with tons of overachieving women and a lot of them kick out those babies past 35 and even some right around 40. You have lots of time. LOTS of it. Travel now so that you’re a more interesting mom later, if you choose that route.

    I am not going to have kids of my own. I am a step-mom and I love it, but I have totally come to terms with the fact that having a kid just isn’t going to thrill me and I would much rather work, travel, read books, and not feel like I have to rush home everyday to pick up the second shift of motherhood.

    You’re super young, still. Enjoy it (but to do that, remember you have to give yourself permission to not do certain things, especially not on someone else’s timeline).

  25. i used to think something was wrong with me that i didn’t want a child – or a marriage for that matter. i was content working, traveling and having fun with my friends, the only “adult” thing i did was buy a home. and then it happened….i got married, had a child (i was 43 years old) and after closing our business we sold our house and are now renting and i launched a new business. funny how life changes. but i wouldn’t change a single thing. i have so much to offer my child now and i don’t have the whatifs, the whatifs will haunt you. enjoy the journey and one day you will be an incredible mom. you’ll see.

  26. Change is hard and wonderful at the same time. I’m a coach that helps people transition through all sorts of changes and you’d think that after watching so many amazing success stories I’d be cool, calm and collected when my own changes come but I’m not and I think it’s perfectly normal not to be. The problem comes when we stop changing and growing and that is NOT what you are doing. How exciting and wonderful a new place will be. Just imagine what you can do with bare walls! Good luck with your changes. Two weeks ago I launched my part-time business to a full-time enterprise and it’s one of the most terrifying things I’ve done in a long time . . . . Here’s to a life without regrets! Cheers.

  27. I wanted to tell you to do all the traveling you can afford, all the major renos you want right now, cause once there’s a baby, there is no more time for any of that. But I also wanted you to know, when I was contemplating having kids, I felt the same way you do…I really didn’t think I wanted kids, at that point in time. Secretly I wondered if I ever wanted them. However, typical me, I finally just jumped in with both feet and had kids. I’ll tell you, I never really thought twice about it after that. We just kept trying to have kids. Now I have two, and they are beautiful and exhausting and funny and exhausting. I only tell you this, because, I, too, thought there had to be some sort of inner revelation, some completion of business, some major financial cushion, some, I guess…perfection in my life before I had a baby. I wanted to give you some solace in the idea that you’ll magically wake up one day and say to yourself “Ok…NOW I’m ready to have a baby” may not happen. And that is ok. Sometimes, you just have to jump in with both feet, and then never look back.

  28. Erin,

    Thank you for sharing exactly what all of us have felt in some way shape or form. I’m 27, close to 28 and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years. Iw ould’ve liked to have been married a few years ago, but he’s been in graduate school for a few years and there just hasn’t been a good time for us to devote the attention to each other and our families to have the wedding we want. Anyway, you can imagine all of the questions I get all of the time from everyone. “When are you getting married already?” When I was 22 I thought I’d be married by 24 or 25. But the bottom line is that we’re happy doing it our own way and not doing what is expected of us after 7 years. I have a feeling it will be the same with children. When/if we feel we have the time and money to devote to doing it, then maybe we will. But plenty of people don’t have kids, or do it later in life. That’s OKAY! Just know that you are not alone in feeling the pressures of what you need to do in life at certain ages. It’s your life and as long as your do what makes you happy, that’s all that matters! Goodluck

  29. Your post resonates so strongly with how I have felt about children as well, Erin–I am 30 too, and I weighed it back and forth in my mind a ridiculous amount of time in the last year, usually thinking I was ready after several glasses of wine, and then horrified by the reality of what all it would entail the next day (Classy approach). Decided a few months ago to open that door of possibility and could have knocked me over with a feather when I became pregnant in month one. I was thrilled and horrified at the same time, and of course felt guilty that I even acknowledged feeing horrified at all that my present life which I was pretty damn fond of, was going to change. You are SO doing the right thing in waiting, but I just wanted to let you know that not all women feel that certainty in their bones about when it is right. I wish I felt that certainty like so many of my friends–I am one of those girls that wanted to get married simply because I was so in love, not because I finally someone to make me a mother. But not being an uber-maternal, have-been-waiting-for-this-my-whole-life woman does not make it any less special when it does happen for you, if you want it…I’m never going to be that girl like my awesome mother was, but every day I feel more secure, more content, and more excited with pregnancy and motherhood MY way. :) (Buying the lime green, straight-out-of-Anthropologie Serena and Lily sling also helped tremendously. Shock. I’m really a lot less deep than I think).

    Though on a decor-related side note: get ready for some fairly psycho “nesting” as my husband calls it whenever you do get pregnant. I thought I was obsessed before….dear God. Forget the obsessive arranging of onesies and baby socks, I’m dragging rugs and lamps up the stairs in the middle of the night like a deranged Martha Stewart.

  30. I have been following your blog for several months and I have to say I am really addicted.
    Your writing is just lovely. This piece is so clear and true it makes me hurt for you.
    I am 44 and I have three amazing children under 4. I had an wonderful life prior to my children and although the challenges are huge, in a very different way with children, you should always follow your heart with a little bit of good sense thrown in.
    I’m sure the rental will be amazing in it’s own way and the new house project will be phenomenal.
    Good luck. I’ll be watching,
    Elizabeth

  31. Lady, we are in the same situation. I’m 30, we just sold our house, we’re scrambling to find a place to rent b/c the house we were buying fell through, the baby plan is probably going to be put on hold now, and my husband and I are feeling painfully “eh” about our jobs. Honestly? When we closed on our house, I got the most wonderful feeling of freedom… of not being tied down. We love our city, but it also gives us the freedom to pick up and move to wherever the urge is leading us. But for now, it may be non-traditional, but we’re going to rent in the part of the city that we want to, go to Spain and France in May like we haven’t a care in the world and plug away at our jobs while keeping ourselves open to new possibilities. And we’ve determined that if we are really feeling the nudge to have a baby, we’re going to do it! Maybe people will think we’re nuts b/c we’re not “settled,” but people do it all the time. and quite frankly, I’m tired of trying to do things the traditional way. I don’t feel like I’ve ever been super conventional anyway! I don’t want to feel like a nomad, but I can (and I KNOW you can) make a rental look just as spiffy as a “home” — and as long as my husband and my beagle are by my side, I say bring it on!

    Here’s to new beginnings, learning, loving, failing, pulling up those bootstraps and praying the Lord brings the sun up one more day for us to keep trying and experiencing life!

    Rock on, my friend…

  32. So beautifully put, I admire how you’ve opened up to us all. I am a regular reader and throroughly enjoy reading your musings :) I too struggle with decision constantly and allow regrets to ruin my day more often than I would like to admit. Your heart will tell you what is best, even if your head is nagging at you to do something completely different.

    My husband I are are 30 and 32, married four years and also in the “should we be starting a family yet?” phase. It is tough when lots of friends and family members around us have already begun. We love our careers and are trying to figure it all out…use this time to really tap into what you want.

    The best advice I was ever given was by an old mentor of mine…”Find your balance, Darling…and all will be fine.” That was 4 years ago and I am still finding that balance but my clarity is improving every day.

    Good luck, I wish you all the best!

  33. Chin up, girl! Think of this as a new adventure, a new trail to blaze. You will know when it is right for you to begin your family. Love your designs and have such similar taste as you, it is frightening. I live in downtown Charleston, in a Charleston Single. I am in the mood to redesign and you have given me such inspiration. Best of luck to you, I know that only good things are yet to come!

  34. I’m also 30 (31 next month), living in renovated house #2, and just had the courage to get out of a six year relationship. (Essentially crushing the ‘marriage/miracle of life/baby’ prospects.) What initially seemed like a crazy decision has proved to be a really wise move. My whole world has changed… for the better. Good luck and hang in there. Looking forward to reading about the adventures you embark on in your new, temporary mortgage-less, life.

  35. Erin, you are so “me” in so many ways — it’s so refreshing/comforting to read the thoughts of a kindred spirit (even if it’s just thru the interwebs). Everything that I want to say to you has been echoed above, and more eloquently, but just know I believe you are truly on the right path and are making good decisions FOR YOU (and your husband). Remember, this is your life to live and you are ROCKING IT. Channel your inner Elizabeth Gilbert and stay true to your soul… You inspire me on a daily basis — even when you are having a “brain dump”! :)

  36. Thanks for saying what you did about having children. I have 2 friends out of them all who does not have a baby… I am surrounded by them, and I do love them but I’m not ready. Besides that, I am still working on that career success (last semester of night school, yes!). Today is my 31st birthday and your timing could not be more perfect. Thank you.

  37. hi erin … i’m a little late to the party on this one with 88 comments ahead of me … this post ranks right up there with the dear john letter to your 20’s – if only i had been able to have your level of perception and self-awareness when i was 30! you have such a gift to be able to express yourself and your feelings so articulately – never lose that, it will keep you afloat thru thick and thin. i hope you stay true to your soul, hold andrew tight when you’re scared, and use this wonderful time in your life to embrace your freedom … xo

  38. Thank you for opening your heart and soul. Allowing us to take a glimpse into your thoughts, emotions and world has made me reflect on mine. You have plenty of time to have children. Travel and experience the world. Listen to your heart, you will find the answers. You owe no one any answers. Do what makes you truly happy! :)

  39. I couldn’t agree with you any more than 87 of your comments reflected………when you are ready, the decision will no longer be a question…………don’t ever be pressured by anyone especially by yourself………..when your mother and I decided to give life a chance we were blessed to have you as our first…..and look what we got….it just doesn’t get any better than that……….( note to the rest of our kids, it just kept getting better and better )

    Love,

    Dad

  40. I had my little man two weeks before I turned 40. My sister-in-law had her third child at 43. Times are a-changing and you still have plenty to wait-see-and consider. No rush – a few more years to find yourself and your place…You have it all. Relax and enjoy.

    : )

    The most important thing is not neccesarily to KNOW what you want, but to follow and trust in what you FEEL is right.

  41. E, First your Dad is an awesome person… I wanted to just mention to someone who seems to be very visual in every essence of the word. Pictures change! We have pictures of all the things in our life and how they will be long before they happen and sometimes they change and they are not exactly as we see them, and although that can be scary they usually always turn out gorgeous none the less. It is ok to morn the loss of the first picture if need be but the new picture is there for you to create it is your your new home your new office your journey.. good luck i cant wait to read about it… A

  42. Enough said! “Wish to travel, write, explore, work hard and take the time to straighten out exactly what it is I want and need” Take all the time you need…once the little people arrive they are here forever…Enjoy this time!!! The life with babies is just as fun as the life before…just different….we all need both. ~Jennifer

  43. Be true to yourself, do what you feel is right for YOU (whatever that may be).
    You’ll regret nothing more than making decisions for YOUR life based on the fear of disappointing others.
    Pursue the life that YOU see for yourself in your own timing.

    I believe you’re on the right track and I wish you the best.

    ~Tiffany

  44. I feel this way all the time. I am 28 and my husband is 31. I am married but ALL of my married friends have started having 1st, 2nd and even 3rd babies! I’m not sure I ever want children and worry what that will mean for my husband (who wants children sometime in the future) and I. I also do believe that people say it’s rewarding and the best thing that I’ll do in my life. I’m just not sure that I want to do it. I love my dog and she’s good enough for me. I really understand what you’re going through and I feel ya.

  45. Maybe it will give you comfort to know I am in the EXACT SAME SITUATION as you. We were ready to put 20% down on a house, but started talking about kids and yes…we’re ready, but maybe in a year or two. We decided – just this weekend, mind you – that ownership of a home will come at the expense of certain freedoms like travel, and yes..children. If we buy a house, we will have to wait to have kids. If we rent a townhome, however, we can make that decision without the financial pressure of needing to pay the mortgage. It was also reassuring to run the “rent vs. own” calculators and see that we’re not loosing money by renting. I think we’re all sold this load of bull that buying a home is an investment and paying rent is throwing money away and that is not always the case. Now all we have to do is make peace with our plan and truly enjoy these “married without children years”.

  46. Hi,

    i want to thank you for writing this post, for me it was amazing, I’m 27 and i feel exactly the same way about “what you suppose to have or do when you have 27 ( in my case) ” of course besides my personal expectations , i love the part when you say, its time for me to explore because that will help me to become into the person i want to be in the future, that’s exactly how I think and feel, and sometimes its horrible when people don’t get it because they seem to be moving and living in a different world. But I think that you seem to have a lot of passion for life and the need that you feel to explore and taste life it’s all because of that and I belive that one day you’ll have the kind of life that you wish because you are starting now and you take the chance and its not easy but it’s worth it.
    I wish the best for you.

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