So over the weekend we went to see This Means War, which is meh… not terrible, not great but lots of eye candy for me (Tom Hardy) and Andrew (Reese looks AWESOME). But before the movie there was a preview that had me all sorts of flipping out. Watch it.
Let me preface this by saying that I feel about monkeys/chimpanzees the way that Kristen Bell feels about sloths. I have wanted one FOREVER- in fact the first gift Andrew ever gave me only a couple weeks of dating was a stuffed monkey with velcro arms I could fasten about my neck. Most girls would have been horrified, but I was ecstatic and wanted to bring it out to dinner with us. Clearly I am not ashamed of my obsession. One of the happiest moments of my life was when a little monkey sat on my head in Nevis.
So this is pretty much how it went down at the Saturday matinee….
Me: Oh my God. OH. MY. GOD.
Me: HIS NAME IS OSCAR?!?!
Me: OH MY GOD! LOOK AT HIM!!! AWWWW!!! (squealing and clapping hands)
Andrew: I see him. I am sitting right here.
Me: OMMMGEEEEE- he has a branch in his mouth! Andrew, do you see that? Look how cute! Hiiiiiiiii Oscar!!!! (waving)
Me: Oh no! He looks SO SAD! Something bad is coming!
Andrew: Seriously, shhhhhh.
Me: (slaps hands over eyes) I can’t deal with this. He’s all alone. He misses his mom. WHAT’S HAPPENING???
Andrew: Honey, you have to calm down.
Me: He found a new daddy! Thank GOD! But he must still miss his mom! This is terrible!
Me: (with steely gaze) Andrew, I have to save the chimps!
Me: They are playing like people! (hitting Andrew’s arm) Andrew, we need to save the chimps!
(Chuckles from the row behind us.)
Me: THEY’RE HUGGING??!?!? I’m going to DIE! I’m dead right now! OMG OMG OMG.Why is no one else freaking OOOOUUUTTT???!!!
Andrew: (head in hands)
I literally want to give up my whole world to go help Jane Goodall save these beautiful things. In fact halfway through Reese’s new rom-com I leaned over and whispered to Andrew “Um, I’m serious about the chimps”. Nothing upsets me more than animal cruelty. NOTHING. I can’t even handle fake animal cruelty/sadness/ death in movies. Shoot up a bar full of humans and I won’t flinch, but hurt a dog/horse/monkey/lion/mouse and I will absolutely LOSE MY SHIT. When that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial comes on with the beaten dog I dive behind the sofa like I’m taking on sniper fire. So while I think of ways to parlay my mediocre internet success into a way to contribute in some way to help the chimpanzees I can just encourage you ALL to go see this movie the opening week because if you do Disney will make a donation to the Jane Goodall Institute ! Maybe I’ll organize a group outing! Cocktails and chimpanzees and lots of squealing.