My Catalog Life.

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This is SUPER random, but you know when a really well curated catalog shows up in your mailbox and the pictures in it make you question your life choices? Am I the only one here?  The other day I got this random catalog, Guideboat, and as I sat in my sunroom looking at it with my “their life looks awesome” goggles on, I had a thought.  One that proclaimed “We really should canoe more.” I balked at myself- WHAT? Canoe? And then my thought process tumbled down a rabbit hole a little something like this…

Look how jazzed this lady is to go paddling.  She’s got that whole pretty but rugged thing going on and looks really healthy.  Like she doesn’t spend her evenings eating entire bags of Pirate’s Booty and binge watching The Mindy Project like some loser I know.

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And look at her rugged boyfriend/ husband/ significant other being all….outdoorsy.  Most men would look like straight up idiots in a yellow slicker, but of course he doesn’t.  I would order this for Andrew based on this picture and then not let him wear it in public because I’d pee my pants laughing. Unless we were canoeing on a grey day, of course.

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And we’d snuggle with our fictitious children in the perfect towel/blanket thingeys. NOT an old primary colored beach towel with the logo of the insurance brokerage firm I questionably worked at a decade ago on it. No waaaaaaay. I’d be so much more on top of my shiz than let THAT happen.

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Oh, and we’d also sail, because LOOK HOW CUTE THIS LITTLE BOAT IS!  Nevermind the fact that I hate, possibly loathe, sailing thanks to a particularly scarring time at summer camp when I was forced to take sailing lessons and capsize in a lake that was FULL of leeches. I mean, chock FULL.   I was always super fast getting back in the boat, but not without flailing about like a spaz yelling “Are they on me? Ohmygodohmygod, are they sucking my blood??” But still, look how darling!

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Also there would be perfect rustic canoeing and boating accessories like bangles and tote bags (to carry my organic, gluten free snacks and dried fruit I dehydrated myself- NOT a bottle of wine and half eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids.  Nope.)

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Oh, and in this dream life Andrew would finally grasp the concept that shawl collar ANYTHING magnifies a man’s handsomeness by 100x and he would wear them all the time.  Even to bed so if I woke up int he middle of the night I’d be comforted by his stylish yet manly attire. Scruff is also vastly important to this look.

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We also would have smug hipster friends who were perfectly accessorized, right down to their made in the USA loomed blankets. You guys are THE BEST.

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And in the evening, after we were done being all outdoorsy and wholesome and embracing of nature, we’d have bonfire parties dressed casual-cool and toast how amazing we are.  And I’d be that cool chick that drinks whiskey on the rocks (even though whiskey tastes like pure petroleum and I cannot fathom how anyone drinks it by choice.)

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In reality, I know I could order all the cute outdoorsy clothes in the world, and after a day or two I’d be back to the Pirate’s Booty.

 


101 comments

  1. Erin, you and Andrew must come visit us in Montana! You can only imagine the gear you need for fly fishing!

  2. Love this post! Hilarious and spot on and exactly what I am thinking when I get those catalogs too.

  3. So very, very, YES!!!!!!! There is an Australian brand called Country Road who do this to me on a regular basis – and while we’re at it, Donna Hay (another Aussie) cookbooks (of all things). I mean, impromptu autumn picnics in apple orchards, with the perfect baked treats on perfectly banged up vintage accessories, with the perfectly attired friends and perfect rugs…. sigh.

  4. You are HILARIOUS!! It hit spot-on for me, as I was literally eating Pirate’s Booty while reading this.

  5. Ha ha! This was a good one! Especially those white jeans on the lady in the last picture… and my husband and I never look that good lugging a canoe. Nope.

  6. OMG, you made me laugh out loud. You are so crazy and so funny! I love it! And I love all of your posts, no matter how random. You channeled a little of “Martha” during this post too!
    Thanks for making my day!

  7. You are hilarious! So glad I’m not the only one who has these thoughts whilst perusing catalogs! How do they make these looks appear so glam? I would look like frump central. Le sigh…

  8. I rarely ever comment on blog posts but I have to say that this is hilarious. And so true. Well done!

  9. Oh Erin. It’s like you’re me. But with an American accent instead of British. And I like whiskey. Hilarious! So much more uplifting than the Transport for London email telling me they finished the Hammersmith flyover early (translated: they fixed the boring road a week ahead of schedule so you can now get back to sitting in s traffic jam on it)

  10. Dear Erin , it’s so funny I always have the same kind of thoughts when browsing some Instagram accounts. Oh and forget about the J crew catalog at Amanda Brooks house. I was ready to move to the country side!

  11. SO HILLARIOUS….everyone is my local coffee shop is suspiciously staring at me as I laugh out loud and coffee comes out my nose :)

  12. Ha! Love it and so true. We all think these things when looking at a perfectly styled photo shoot.

    1. Ha! I live in Mill Valley, CA, which is where Guideboats is based. I drive past it often, but I’ve never been inside (and no one I know has either.) I guess I’ve never felt “cool” enough. So, to see the inner working of its catalog is quite interesting. I am a little miffed that I haven’t received an unsolicited catalog from them … especially since I live down the road!! Your post is hee-larious. It perfectly captures what I think many of us feel looking at such catalogs.

  13. This is one of the very blogs that reminds me why I so thoroughly enjoy reading them on a daily basis. Your ability to relate to your readers is fabulous and seemingly effortless. Thanks, Erin! I got a relatable chuckle out of this one.
    I am truly looking forward to meeting you at Wakefield Design Center on May 7th! Can’t wait! Had already read and highlighted your book cover to cover long before I knew of this upcoming event.
    Best, Kathleen Bivona

  14. I’ve never commented on your site before (sorry about that because I really love your blog!), but you had me laughing out loud with this post! That was great. It’s incredible how these super styled pictures that are nothing like real life can have us thinking we want to do things that we absolutely do not want to do. Ha! Awesome.

  15. Spot on. Hilarious. Nice to hear (from someone who frankly from the outside seems like she would totally pull this off!) that you are rebelling against the catalogs.

  16. It’s like we are soul sisters!!! Totally thoughts I have all the time. Can’t wait to meet you at Wakefield.

  17. You had me laughing so hard – this was hilarious. I read parts to my hubby and he laughed too! Thanks for reminding me I’m not the only one reading way more into catalog life.

  18. I would totally have a half bottle of wine and sour patch kids in my tote, too! This just made me laugh so hard. Thank you :)

  19. I honestly laughed so hard at this post that I had to leave a note. I didn’t think anyone else really felt this way, and it was especially good to see that you (with your divine home) have your moments as well. I used to feel this way about the early J.Crew catalogs – I just wanted all my friends to be those clean-limbed, minimal makeup-wearing, confident women that were showcased. Running around barns in the Northeast, hiking gorgeously and ending up with perfectly tousled hair after a day at the beach. Alas, it was never to be. Thank you so much for such a wonderful post.

  20. OMG – did you go to my camp?? Those f&^$*ing leeches! Sooo disgusting!

    I was crying laughing at this. You made my day.

  21. I had to read this out loud to my husband in bed. We both cracked up! Mostly because we ll do this when sucked into the catalog vortex. Thank you.

  22. I LOL’ed through this entire post. I do the same thing! “If only I purchase this one item, my life will look like this catalog! Fool proof!” NOPE. thanks for putting it into words :)

    Annie
    sweetbananie.blogspot.com

  23. This just made my entire week. I could not stop laughing, especially at the tiny sailboat (which is almost $5k!!!), and now my co-worker thinks I am insane. I do however really want that US Navy blanket because that I could so be the barefoot girl sitting on the ground, wrapped in a blanket. (Especially since if I have a giant blanket, I could hide my snacks under it and not have to share…)

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