Life & FamilyApril 23, 2015

My Catalog Life.


This is SUPER random, but you know when a really well curated catalog shows up in your mailbox and the pictures in it make you question your life choices? Am I the only one here?  The other day I got this random catalog, Guideboat, and as I sat in my sunroom looking at it with my “their life looks awesome” goggles on, I had a thought.  One that proclaimed “We really should canoe more.” I balked at myself- WHAT? Canoe? And then my thought process tumbled down a rabbit hole a little something like this…

Look how jazzed this lady is to go paddling.  She’s got that whole pretty but rugged thing going on and looks really healthy.  Like she doesn’t spend her evenings eating entire bags of Pirate’s Booty and binge watching The Mindy Project like some loser I know.


And look at her rugged boyfriend/ husband/ significant other being all….outdoorsy.  Most men would look like straight up idiots in a yellow slicker, but of course he doesn’t.  I would order this for Andrew based on this picture and then not let him wear it in public because I’d pee my pants laughing. Unless we were canoeing on a grey day, of course.


And we’d snuggle with our fictitious children in the perfect towel/blanket thingeys. NOT an old primary colored beach towel with the logo of the insurance brokerage firm I questionably worked at a decade ago on it. No waaaaaaay. I’d be so much more on top of my shiz than let THAT happen.


Oh, and we’d also sail, because LOOK HOW CUTE THIS LITTLE BOAT IS!  Nevermind the fact that I hate, possibly loathe, sailing thanks to a particularly scarring time at summer camp when I was forced to take sailing lessons and capsize in a lake that was FULL of leeches. I mean, chock FULL.   I was always super fast getting back in the boat, but not without flailing about like a spaz yelling “Are they on me? Ohmygodohmygod, are they sucking my blood??” But still, look how darling!


Also there would be perfect rustic canoeing and boating accessories like bangles and tote bags (to carry my organic, gluten free snacks and dried fruit I dehydrated myself- NOT a bottle of wine and half eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids.  Nope.)


Oh, and in this dream life Andrew would finally grasp the concept that shawl collar ANYTHING magnifies a man’s handsomeness by 100x and he would wear them all the time.  Even to bed so if I woke up int he middle of the night I’d be comforted by his stylish yet manly attire. Scruff is also vastly important to this look.


We also would have smug hipster friends who were perfectly accessorized, right down to their made in the USA loomed blankets. You guys are THE BEST.


And in the evening, after we were done being all outdoorsy and wholesome and embracing of nature, we’d have bonfire parties dressed casual-cool and toast how amazing we are.  And I’d be that cool chick that drinks whiskey on the rocks (even though whiskey tastes like pure petroleum and I cannot fathom how anyone drinks it by choice.)


In reality, I know I could order all the cute outdoorsy clothes in the world, and after a day or two I’d be back to the Pirate’s Booty.


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