During the first trimester of my pregnancy I was pretty miserable. Seeing as my mother had three morning sickness free pregnancies, I had it in my head that I too would just be a glowing, peaceful beam of new life and not the sweaty, bathroom-bolting person I was. I was so anxious about getting sick in public and so generally physically miserable it made me feel some rather negative things about the pregnancy process.
I also was super worried about the changes to my body. As you know, I have had a very tumultuous relationship with my body, especially around weight gain. And the first trimester made my body look more soft and like I had picked up a serious donut habit, not like I was growing a baby. Not to mention I developed porn star size boobs- going up three cup sizes in the first trimester alone! Andrew looked at me one day and said “If this is what happens to your boobs, what happens to Kate Upton when she gets pregnant??” I could only shake my head and respond “terrifying things”. To be honest, I felt pretty uncomfortable in my skin all around. I was a little concerned I wouldn’t love my pregnancy body and that some of my previous body image issues would resurface with all these changes.
But at 22/23 weeks my morning sickness cleared up all of the sudden (hallelujah!!!!) and I began to finally develop a legitimate bump. And all of the sudden I started liking this new shape. I now enjoy dressing my bump and get such a kick out of catching my reflection in a store window when walking by. It rocks my world that this is happening to me and I’m finding this stage where I look obviously pregnant to be freeing and fun. I’m so much easier on myself, continuing to work out when it feels good, but not pushing myself when I don’t feel like it. My appetite is not crazy and I mainly just crave fresh fruit and not bad stuff, which is surprising too! There is less pressure to look a certain way and that creates a sense of ease for me. It’s really nice, to just enjoy this time and the changes happening daily (and all the little kicks!)
And speaking of ease, I also have been shocked by this overall peaceful and happy feeling I have most of the time. My family has remarked at how calm I’ve been, which has also been unexpected seeing as typically I’m a rather high-strung worry wart! I fully expected to be constantly fretting the whole 40 weeks and a crazy, hormonal mess like all those “pregnant lady jokes” would have you believe. I’ve already written about how I chose to stay on my low dose SSRI while pregnant, but this is a whole new level of calm for me. I feel so much more at peace with my life and decisions aren’t freaking me out like they tend to do. Yes, I still worry- for sure- I lost sleep over picking a stroller and currently am having a a bit of worry about some minor finding on an a recent ultrasound (a little extra fluid on one of his kidneys)- but overall I feel so much better than I do when not pregnant! I’d really like them to figure out a way to bottle these happy pregnancy hormones so I can feel this way all the time!
Was there anything particularly surprising to you during pregnancy? I’d love to hear your experiences!