I hope to launch back into blogging more next week when I start up work again. I’m having a lot of feelings and thoughts regrding that which I will discuss on Monday in my first “reflections on motherhood” post. I’ve been wanting to write so much yet feel so overwhelmed by my changing emotions that I keep shying away from it.
So for the weekend I’ll leave you with something I can write about- getting back into pre-baby shape! I did luck out quite a bit in that I have lost the baby weight numerically (mostly because I’m nursing and I did not gain a lot due to morning sickness and a long bout of nausea), but trust me when I say things ain’t looking the same for sure!!! My stomach has this Jello quality to it that has got to go! I did my first post-birth workout last week and it felt so good to MOVE again! And to motivate myself a little more, I’ve gotten some new workout clothes. Leggings with a higher rise to keep things from jiggling and more supportive bras and tops to keep the ladies in check. Here are some of the items I’ve gotten and others I have my eye on in case you too are feeling the whole “get in shape for the new year” thing.
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Yep, we are in the “under five weeks ’till baby” countdown and I thought it would be helpful to share some of the things that have kept my third trimester relatively comfortable. I think my body is giving me a break after such a hard first 20 weeks, so it hasn;t been bad at all- I get tired easier, my back hurts after a long time on my feet and sleeping is a little tough- but overall I cannot complain.
CONCEALER // BODY PILLOW // YOGA CLASSES // DRY SHAMPOO & STYLING CREAM // BOOTS & SNEAKERS // DENIM SHIRT & SWEATER
I’ve found that pregnancy time moves both painfully slow and incredibly fast. I cannot believe in a mere 10 weeks we could have our little guy- I am both tremendously excited and white-knuckle terrified.
See, I know nothing about babies. Nada.
I’ve never even changed a diaper in my life, this being my immediate family’s first grandchild and seemingly only babysitting kids out of diapers when a teenager. The one time I babysat an infant it was for a friend when I was 30 or 31 and he slept the whole time. I, however, spent the evening with the monitor clutched tight in my sweaty palm and checking on him every 30 minutes to make sure he was breathing. Andrew was with me and thought I was batshit crazy, but I was so scared something was going to happen to my friend’s child on my watch.
So now as we approach d-day, I’m beginning to find myself a) not able to sleep well and b) spending those waking hours wondering the following:
- What if I kill the baby? How do you make sure they stay alive?
- How often do I need to feed him?
- How much should he sleep? How do we GET him to sleep?
- How do I not spend every waking moment on WebMD trying to diagnose every odd thing?
- How do I make sure he doesn’t become a serial killer?
- Are Baxter and Oliver going to hate me forever?
- What do I need to pack in my hospital bag (take the slippers, leave the hairspray…)
- How do I find a really amazing nanny (and make sure they are not one of those crazy ones that steals/murders babies)?
- What diapers work? Honest Co. vs Pampers Swaddlers? Or some other magic kind?
- How is it possible I am going to give birth to a HUMAN???
During the first trimester of my pregnancy I was pretty miserable. Seeing as my mother had three morning sickness free pregnancies, I had it in my head that I too would just be a glowing, peaceful beam of new life and not the sweaty, bathroom-bolting person I was. I was so anxious about getting sick in public and so generally physically miserable it made me feel some rather negative things about the pregnancy process.
I also was super worried about the changes to my body. As you know, I have had a very tumultuous relationship with my body, especially around weight gain. And the first trimester made my body look more soft and like I had picked up a serious donut habit, not like I was growing a baby. Not to mention I developed porn star size boobs- going up three cup sizes in the first trimester alone! Andrew looked at me one day and said “If this is what happens to your boobs, what happens to Kate Upton when she gets pregnant??” I could only shake my head and respond “terrifying things”. To be honest, I felt pretty uncomfortable in my skin all around. I was a little concerned I wouldn’t love my pregnancy body and that some of my previous body image issues would resurface with all these changes.
But at 22/23 weeks my morning sickness cleared up all of the sudden (hallelujah!!!!) and I began to finally develop a legitimate bump. And all of the sudden I started liking this new shape. I now enjoy dressing my bump and get such a kick out of catching my reflection in a store window when walking by. It rocks my world that this is happening to me and I’m finding this stage where I look obviously pregnant to be freeing and fun. I’m so much easier on myself, continuing to work out when it feels good, but not pushing myself when I don’t feel like it. My appetite is not crazy and I mainly just crave fresh fruit and not bad stuff, which is surprising too! There is less pressure to look a certain way and that creates a sense of ease for me. It’s really nice, to just enjoy this time and the changes happening daily (and all the little kicks!)
And speaking of ease, I also have been shocked by this overall peaceful and happy feeling I have most of the time. My family has remarked at how calm I’ve been, which has also been unexpected seeing as typically I’m a rather high-strung worry wart! I fully expected to be constantly fretting the whole 40 weeks and a crazy, hormonal mess like all those “pregnant lady jokes” would have you believe. I’ve already written about how I chose to stay on my low dose SSRI while pregnant, but this is a whole new level of calm for me. I feel so much more at peace with my life and decisions aren’t freaking me out like they tend to do. Yes, I still worry- for sure- I lost sleep over picking a stroller and currently am having a a bit of worry about some minor finding on an a recent ultrasound (a little extra fluid on one of his kidneys)- but overall I feel so much better than I do when not pregnant! I’d really like them to figure out a way to bottle these happy pregnancy hormones so I can feel this way all the time!
Was there anything particularly surprising to you during pregnancy? I’d love to hear your experiences!